[here comes disappointment round two, as her beloved? well... she averts her eyes and rubs at the back of her neck, chuckling a little nervously.] You'd probably do alright befriending him. You're... You're closer to his age than I am now, and he could use a spot of sunshine in his life. It would contrast the rest of us well. ["the rest of us" being quite the motley crew, including a sexy super soldier, and not one, but two! princesses. and orihime is there too, bless her heart.] I'll give you his number later...
[which might actually be a good idea. surprise, surprise. a new friend for tanjiro, and a small ambush on milly's behalf. perfect.
leaning into the pillowy part of the nest, she watches him, listens to him, and nods sagely.] You got it right, I think. But don't do that. If you're open with him, you won't hurt yourself too much that way. You deserve that freedom. [her advice is not meant for herself, however.] Take all the time you need, though. There's no real rush. Just that the burning in your heart will grow, and you have to take care of it sometime.
[Excuse Tanjiro as he just slots himself right up into her space, sensing this disappointment and the general dampening of her mood. He's... pretty good at putting puzzles together, when it comes to people, so he picks up pretty readily on the fact that she's feeind him advice she should be taking, herself.]
...Milly-san, can I ask you something sort of bold?
[he's very close, to an answer and to her, but she doesn't pull away, only smiling gently, an eye closed in a pseudo-wink as she uses the other one to watch him, her features crinkling upwards with mischief for a moment, but returning to an easy, open state quickly.]
Again, you can always ask, but I might not answer! [she laughs, the settles down next to him, lying lazily as she gazes at him.] No, ask away! i want to know what this "bold" question is.
[Feeding him advice, what the fuck is feeind. Don't type when you're very tired, folks.]
If you know this well enough to suggest how I handle things, why haven't you done these things for yourself? [His tone is quiet, cautious-- he's not trying to be accusatory. He can just kind of... tell, from the weight to her expressions.]
[oh. he's onto her. he's put the pieces together, and now she's been caught. there's a bashful smile for him, with sadness creeping in quickly, and she nestles down further into the blankets, sighing softly.]
Because I know it'll never work for me. You, you've got a chance! And I want that for you so much! But me? I've been head over heels for Lelouch for a decade. I won't... I can't ruin this. Too much has happened for me to lose him again.
[He may be stupid, but he's pretty good at reading people. He shuffles to follow her as she nestles into the blankets, draping over her with a vaguely disgruntled sound.]
Milly-saaaaannnn. If you've lost him once already, why would you let him get away? Why would you cause yourself hurt by not making sure he understands? You can't tell me I'm hurting Inosuke by not telling him how I feel and assume I'm going to let you get away with lying to yourself and your friend.
[she furrows her brows and sinks even lower into the nest, but keeping close to tanjiro even if she's frustrated that he is, just a teeny bit, right.]
It would never work. For a multitude of reasons, actually! We're just meant to be two ships passing in the night, never to be. I'm not his type, we have too much history, he'd never even consider it... It's just best that it remains a fantasy, and that he never figures it out. [her eyes are wide when she finally looks at him again, and tries to find his hand to take it in hers.] You have to believe me on this.
[His face draws up at that, and he lets her say her piece, but he's pretty obviously upset from the moment she starts talking. Two ships passing in the night, never to be. Not his type, too much history-- His expression twists at he'd never even consider it, and his eyes actually well up. He threads their fingers together, sulking oh so mightily, and completely ignoring the way tears drip down his cheeks when he blinks.]
I believe you, sure, but how can you know if you don't tell him? [Please excuse this child's literal bleeding heart.]
[oh no. oh no no no. she's made him cry over her, and that's the last thing she wants. she wants to scoop him up and hold him, to tell him she was just kidding, to do anything to undo his tears. but she can't, and the best she can do is kiss the back of his hand, misty eyed as she tries to figure out how to console him.
but she can't fix the problem and tell the truth at the same time. so she has to pick one.]
I can't tell him. He doesn't deserve to be burdened with my emotions. He's my best friend, and I love him so much-- It's because of that love that I can't tell him. He can't know. I just got him back, after years of being without him... I don't want to lose my very best friend because of my own stupid selfishness.
you did it to yourselffffff also this one's worse sorry not sorry
[He makes one of those awful little sounds that people make when they're trying really hard to not cry, frowning to look frustrated for a moment before he burrows forward and wraps his arms around her, shaking his head. He's making whatever sort of shirt she's wearing a little damp, but it's fine.]
You can't tell me I have to tell Inosuke and then tell me you don't want to lose your best friend. You don't know you'll lose him if he doesn't know how you feel-- if he's your very best friend, wouldn't he understand? [Milly can at least take solace in the fact that she's only half responsible for his upset-- really, he's needed a good cry for months now, he's just adamantly refused to allow for it. Now that he'd started, because he hurt for someone else, he was realizing he didn't know how to stop.]
[this is not what the nest is for!!! it was to make him feel better, not for both of them to start crying about loving their best friends! his sad little noises get her all choked up, and she holds him tighter, pets his hair as she sniffles back her tears, rather unsuccessfully. her voice is strained when she speaks, tearful and not quite the person she wants to sound like. she wants to sounds confident to him, to be sure of herself when she consoles him, but she's scared. for him, and for her. how can she know that what she's saying is true for either of them?
she doesn't, but she has to believe in her own words for tanjiro's sake, if nothing else.]
It's complicated. He's my best friend, but I'm not his, and that's okay. You and Inosuke... you have a different bond than Lelouch and I do. It's why I believe in your odds so much. I promise, when the time is right, I'll tell him how I really feel, no fear at all, but you... [she pulls away from him, only to take his face in her hands and look him dead in the eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks.] You have to take this chance! Seize the moment! Tell him how you really feel and be freer for it! I'll be behind you every step of the way, no matter how it turns out. Tanjiro, you can do it. You can have it all, I know it.
[Being Tanjiro is sort of a disaster sometimes. Like right now, when he's so completely and utterly gutted for another person that he can't focus, and for a moment he can't breathe, so he just sits there and scrunches his face and tries to remember how to, setting his hands carefully on Milly's wrists. She's giving him the confidence she can't use for herself, she's putting her bets in his court, for both of them, and he has to level back out with that, but wow it's hard. He squeezes her wrists, gently, and pulls her hands away from his face in favor of ducking his head and just breathing for a moment, once he remembers how. He focuses that way, and on the spots on the sheets below them he's creating from crying, and he winds up with her hands on his head, still holding her wrists, until the world isn't quite so loud and claustrophobic.]
[Tanjiro you possibly just had something of a panic attack over someone else being unable to tell their best friend they love them, but we love you for it it's fine.]
[He looks back up to her and looks like he hasn't slept in days, for a moment, but moves his hands again to take hers, alternating squeezing her palms between his thumb and forefingers for a moment like a cat kneading a blanket, and he smiles when he lets go to clap his hands on her face. They're calloused, and now they're definitely damp from both of their tears, but he smudges his thumbs along her cheekbones.]
...okay, Milly-san. But when you tell him-- and you have to promise me it's a when, not an if... Tell me, so I can make you a nest and we can talk about it, before or after or both. Okay?
[it's quiet, except for their breathing, and she's so afraid she's done something terribly wrong. he doesn't look okay but she doesn't want to touch him or make the situation worse, so she waits, keeping her hands exactly where he's left them, moving only if he allows her to. the waiting is what scares her most, because she wants to help him, but she doesn't know how, or what will happen next. all she can do is stay still and let him ride these emotions out, whatever they may be. fear? sorrow? anxiety? whatever they are, though, she helped make them.
the guilt from that rises up in her chest, and her tears begin again, silently.
she shouldn't cry, though. she has nothing to cry for, and worse, she can imagine how disappointed her mother would be in her. she can see the icy blue stare, the frown that sets deeper and deeper with each passing moment, can hear the sigh that she always does when milly makes an enormous mistake, knows that she's passed her judgement and will never forget this. but she's not here to see this, and she will never know that milly shed tears for two boys-- double the crime. but it's worth it.
she's pulled out of her own head by tanjiro, thankfully, touching at her hands, and squeezing them gently. when his hands touch her face, though, she lets out a noise of surprise, and smiles warmly, sniffling once or twice as she gazes at him. he's asking her to make a promise she's not sure she can really keep, but if he's so brave, then perhaps she can be too.]
Promise. [she holds up a pinky for him, and laughs gently.] You'll be the first person I tell. This is our little pact now!
[She shouldn't not cry, either, though. If she wants to cry, or has even the slightest inclination to, Tanjiro will be the first to advocate for her doing so. His own tears aren't entirely for himself, either, so if her mother wants to be disappointed she can meet Tanjiro in the pit, he'll fight her, thanks.]
[He smiles, the expression still watery, but hooks his pinky in hers.] I don't have to be the first, I'm sure you have others you'd want to know.
Pfft. Silly! [she laughs shakily, actual joy making its way through her tearful voice.] Of course You're going to be the first! Why would I want to tell anyone before you, the one who pushed me to talk about it in the first place? [a kiss is pressed to the tops of their linked fingers, a smile working its way forward.] A promise is a promise.
[He shifts a little, sitting up on his knees and taking her face with both his hands, this time, bumping their foreheads together once he's unhooked his pinky from hers.] All right, it's a promise, then.
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[which might actually be a good idea. surprise, surprise. a new friend for tanjiro, and a small ambush on milly's behalf. perfect.
leaning into the pillowy part of the nest, she watches him, listens to him, and nods sagely.] You got it right, I think. But don't do that. If you're open with him, you won't hurt yourself too much that way. You deserve that freedom. [her advice is not meant for herself, however.] Take all the time you need, though. There's no real rush. Just that the burning in your heart will grow, and you have to take care of it sometime.
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...Milly-san, can I ask you something sort of bold?
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Again, you can always ask, but I might not answer! [she laughs, the settles down next to him, lying lazily as she gazes at him.] No, ask away! i want to know what this "bold" question is.
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If you know this well enough to suggest how I handle things, why haven't you done these things for yourself? [His tone is quiet, cautious-- he's not trying to be accusatory. He can just kind of... tell, from the weight to her expressions.]
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Because I know it'll never work for me. You, you've got a chance! And I want that for you so much! But me? I've been head over heels for Lelouch for a decade. I won't... I can't ruin this. Too much has happened for me to lose him again.
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Milly-saaaaannnn. If you've lost him once already, why would you let him get away? Why would you cause yourself hurt by not making sure he understands? You can't tell me I'm hurting Inosuke by not telling him how I feel and assume I'm going to let you get away with lying to yourself and your friend.
[A stubborn baby.]
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It would never work. For a multitude of reasons, actually! We're just meant to be two ships passing in the night, never to be. I'm not his type, we have too much history, he'd never even consider it... It's just best that it remains a fantasy, and that he never figures it out. [her eyes are wide when she finally looks at him again, and tries to find his hand to take it in hers.] You have to believe me on this.
this icon is entirely your fault
I believe you, sure, but how can you know if you don't tell him? [Please excuse this child's literal bleeding heart.]
no!!! how dare you do this to me
but she can't fix the problem and tell the truth at the same time. so she has to pick one.]
I can't tell him. He doesn't deserve to be burdened with my emotions. He's my best friend, and I love him so much-- It's because of that love that I can't tell him. He can't know. I just got him back, after years of being without him... I don't want to lose my very best friend because of my own stupid selfishness.
you did it to yourselffffff also this one's worse sorry not sorry
You can't tell me I have to tell Inosuke and then tell me you don't want to lose your best friend. You don't know you'll lose him if he doesn't know how you feel-- if he's your very best friend, wouldn't he understand? [Milly can at least take solace in the fact that she's only half responsible for his upset-- really, he's needed a good cry for months now, he's just adamantly refused to allow for it. Now that he'd started, because he hurt for someone else, he was realizing he didn't know how to stop.]
that one IS worse how dare you x2
she doesn't, but she has to believe in her own words for tanjiro's sake, if nothing else.]
It's complicated. He's my best friend, but I'm not his, and that's okay. You and Inosuke... you have a different bond than Lelouch and I do. It's why I believe in your odds so much. I promise, when the time is right, I'll tell him how I really feel, no fear at all, but you... [she pulls away from him, only to take his face in her hands and look him dead in the eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks.] You have to take this chance! Seize the moment! Tell him how you really feel and be freer for it! I'll be behind you every step of the way, no matter how it turns out. Tanjiro, you can do it. You can have it all, I know it.
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[Tanjiro you possibly just had something of a panic attack over someone else being unable to tell their best friend they love them, but we love you for it it's fine.]
[He looks back up to her and looks like he hasn't slept in days, for a moment, but moves his hands again to take hers, alternating squeezing her palms between his thumb and forefingers for a moment like a cat kneading a blanket, and he smiles when he lets go to clap his hands on her face. They're calloused, and now they're definitely damp from both of their tears, but he smudges his thumbs along her cheekbones.]
...okay, Milly-san. But when you tell him-- and you have to promise me it's a when, not an if... Tell me, so I can make you a nest and we can talk about it, before or after or both. Okay?
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the guilt from that rises up in her chest, and her tears begin again, silently.
she shouldn't cry, though. she has nothing to cry for, and worse, she can imagine how disappointed her mother would be in her. she can see the icy blue stare, the frown that sets deeper and deeper with each passing moment, can hear the sigh that she always does when milly makes an enormous mistake, knows that she's passed her judgement and will never forget this. but she's not here to see this, and she will never know that milly shed tears for two boys-- double the crime. but it's worth it.
she's pulled out of her own head by tanjiro, thankfully, touching at her hands, and squeezing them gently. when his hands touch her face, though, she lets out a noise of surprise, and smiles warmly, sniffling once or twice as she gazes at him. he's asking her to make a promise she's not sure she can really keep, but if he's so brave, then perhaps she can be too.]
Promise. [she holds up a pinky for him, and laughs gently.] You'll be the first person I tell. This is our little pact now!
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[He smiles, the expression still watery, but hooks his pinky in hers.] I don't have to be the first, I'm sure you have others you'd want to know.
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Pfft. Silly! [she laughs shakily, actual joy making its way through her tearful voice.] Of course You're going to be the first! Why would I want to tell anyone before you, the one who pushed me to talk about it in the first place? [a kiss is pressed to the tops of their linked fingers, a smile working its way forward.] A promise is a promise.
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[He shifts a little, sitting up on his knees and taking her face with both his hands, this time, bumping their foreheads together once he's unhooked his pinky from hers.] All right, it's a promise, then.