shesgotguts | voicemail;

I mean I like Kombucha, so there's probably nothing worse than fermented black tea.

[He sits, looking marginally chastised.]

Now that's something I've never had. Or heard of. [once he sits, she ruffles his hair lightly, and kisses him on the cheek before moving over to the cabinets to find the tea and kettle.] I should try it sometime.

I dunno where you might find it here, and I haven't the foggiest about how it's made. Given it's fermented I sort of didn't want to know.

[He loops an arm around her waist when she gets close enough and doesn't quite hug her so much as he squeezes her middle gently before she meanders off to tea. This sort of idle contact is really, really nice.]

I'm sure we could find it here. This town has everything, even things you wouldn't expect to find.

[quick work is made of getting the tea in order-- turning on the stove, filling up the kettle with water, pulling down a box of tea, then sugar, grabbing two cups, their saucers, and teaspoons. after all that is done, she approaches taki once more, wrapping her arm loosely around his neck, holding him from behind. a gentle kiss is pressed to his neck, and she hums softly.]

[His eyes close almost immediately upon the contact, and he huffs a sigh.]

...'m glad you're here.

And I'm so glad you're here too.

[another kiss to his neck.] But what makes you say that, huh?

Friend of mine that was here left. Didn't actually expect it to bug me.

[Dully.]

Hmm. [her fingers tap lightly against his chest, and she sighs. her daughter disappeared as well, but she won't bring that up. not when he's lost someone here for the first time (?)] I'm so sorry to hear that. But I know the feeling...

[she presses a kiss to his ear, and keeps her voice low.] Tell me what I can do to help. I know not much will, but I want to try for you.

[He just sort of shrugs, leaning back into her.]

I shouldn't be upset, it's uncontrollable. Inevitable, even.

I know. But just because we knew it could happen doesn't mean you can't be upset about it.

[she gives him a little squeeze, and puts her nose in his hair.] Kazuya, be upset. You have to do it for yourself now, so that you don't hurt forever. [her voice is so small when she speaks, like she's telling a secret right to his brain. perhaps what keeps her quiet is her own shame and sorrow.]

[He tenses up subtly in a way she might recognize as the beginnings of him closing himself right the hell off the way he sometimes does, hunching his shoulders.]

It's not that simple.

[she can feel the beginnings of a problem; the way his muscles tense up is a surer sign than any. so she loosens her hold on him, her hands squeezing his shoulders lightly as she pulls away.]

You're right. It isn't. But you should try somehow. [a pause, then--] But if you won't let yourself be upset, then get the stress out some other way. Would you like a glass of wine? [she doesn't want to laugh, or sound so playful. she's earnest in her question. still, she can't help herself. it's in her nature to entertain.]

[This is one of those times that he really, really hates being human. Emotions that stew in his gut and poison him slowly, that he ignores until he can't, half of which stem from his own inability to do what he isn't physically capable of. Logic should state that this doesn't bother him-- if he can't do something, really honestly can't, then there's no reason to be bothered by it. And yet, here he is.]

[He inhales, closes his eyes, and leans backward in the chair, bringing his hands up and threading his fingers through his hair and then lacing them together above his head as he drags his hands backward across his forehead-- the result is a vice grip on his own skull. He holds his breath for a while and then droops as he exhales, bringing his hands down over his face and finally opening his eyes to give Milly a tired, almost blank expression.]

...wine might not be a bad idea right now. 'm sorry to make you put up with me right now.

[she watches him carefully, watches him strain to keep himself together, and perhaps try to let it all out at the same time. he can't do that. he can't keep it in and be free of those feelings simultaneously. she's seen people try. she's tried. she knows what happens.

she doesn't want him to shatter under the pressure of bottling everything up, and implode in trying to forget the feelings. it only hurts more.

when he looks at her, she smiles softly, and bites at her lip in thought before kneeling next to him, placing her hand on his knee for a moment.] Kazuya, it's not "putting up with you". I want to help. I like having you around. If having you here was a chore, I would let you know. [her smile is gentle and sweet, and she stays there with him for a few seconds before standing up and moving towards her cabinets.]

You know, there's a wine for every occasion. Moscato for a girl's night out, Merlot for an engagement announcement, Pinot Grigio for when you want to look classy at a teenager's house party... and Cabernet Sauvignon for a night like tonight. [she plucks the bottle from the wine rack and two glasses from the top shelf. uncorking the bottle with ease, she pours them both a glass, and brings both of them to the table. once she takes her seat, she locks eyes with him, and raises her glass slightly.]

You know, if you break eye contact during a toast, you'll have awful sex for seven years.

[His expression doesn't really change despite the way her words take hold of his heart and squeeze, making it that much harder to draw in a breath. He lowers his eyes to her hand on his knee and keeps them there after she's moved away, listening to her explain wines.]

...dunno why it surprises me that you have your wines categorized by various circumstances, but there we are.

[His expression is still mostly flat after her joke, but he closes his eyes and smiles faintly as he takes the glass, keeping eye contact.]

I dunno how much awful sex a guy who hadn't been having any for almost that long before meeting you can have, but while I may be a daredevil those odds don't really suit my fancy.

[He holds his glass out toward her.]

...to you. For being everything I never knew I needed.

Of course I have them categorised! Did you forget who you're talking to?

[her laughter rings through the kitchen twice-- once for her own joke, and once for his. she keeps her smile as she sits down with him, and raises her glass to match him, but his toast catches her off guard. she's so surprised, in fact, she almost looks away from him.

the smile falls for a moment as her heart stops and her breath catches in her throat. what a powerful declaration. she can't find her words at first, but when she does, she attempts to be as intense and sincere as he is.]

And to you, for being everything I could ever want and hope for, and then more.

Looks like it, for a second.

[It soothes his frayed nerves, really, the way she laughs. Even if he knows she puts up just as much of a face as he does, as he was, that she wasn't treating him differently for being obviously out of sorts somehow made him feel secure in a way he wasn't sure he'd ever known.]

[And then he realizes what he said, and in conjunction with her respond he forgets the state of calm he'd started to slide into. His jaw drops open just a little and he stammers, tapping his glass to hers and hurriedly reclaiming it, downing about half of it in one go in a sheer effort to not speak.]

[Fuck. Why did he say that? Why did she say that in response? Why did-- nope. No?? No. He backslid, gracelessly, into a fumbling disaster and laughed an ugly sort of sound before he realized and thought to stop himself.]

Except I'm not-- really. Sometimes I know how to talk, but I'm nowhere near good for you.

[a smile had wanted to come forth, to show him that she's actually happy with what he's said. but he's pulling away from her, in a way that almost makes her question if he truly meant what he said. but it's kazuya. he might keep his secrets, but he wouldn't lie to her like that. of course he means it. it's a few steps short of three little words that have occurred to her before-- he wouldn't take something like that back.

and neither will she.

she offers him a soft sympathetic smile as she rests her elbow on the table and her cheek in her hand as she drinks her own wine.] Kazuya, would you like me to list the ways I adore you chronologically or alphabetically? You're wonderful, and you're wonderful for me. Why would you think otherwise? [an awful question, but she'll ask it anyway.]

This is-- entirely not the conversation I was planning to have with you. Ever, really. Aren't you seeing someone? Two someones?

[Because no, he doesn't want her to list the ways she adores him. Because she's young, and gorgeous, and taken, and it's not like he knew how to really court a girl anyway.]

[Not like he hadn't been doing it almost entirely on accident for months now.]

[He finishes the rest of his wine.]

[uh oh. this is too far in the feelies zone... and she doesn't know if she can work her way out of this. more than that, even if she does, at what cost? he's her confidant, a shoulder to cry on, her best friend. she can't ruin that. not when they've come so far.

there's no backing away, no good that could come from lying or avoiding the topic. honesty and bravery have to happen, together.

she takes another sip (gulp, really) of her wine, thinking for a moment before speaking.] I've thought about this conversation before... I didn't expect us to have it to soon, and at a time like this, but sometimes you just feel it. [it? a premonition, or a passion...] You're right about me seeing other people, but did you ever think that maybe you're right up there with them? That maybe I--

[she cuts herself off before she can do any more damage.]

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